Chapter Eight

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I’m almost there.

My hands are balled up in fists, and sweat is glistening on my face. Breathing heavily, I walk down the sidewalk, trying to stay as calm as possible. I haven’t stepped foot even on a sidewalk since Mae was taken, and now, being only a few feet from where she last was, makes me nauseous. I decided today was the day I would get the mail. I’ve been making Mark do it, or I’ll let it pile up in the box, until the Postman brings it up to my porch. But this time, I’m doing it myself. I reach my destination, just in time for my body to sway, leaving me breathless and holding onto the mailbox.

Stop. Breathe. Go.

Breathing in slowly, I open the mailbox, and take out the discarded bills and letters. So many letters. Since Mae was taken, people have just assumed that she’s dead, and hundreds of letters from her classmates, and Mark’s workers have flooded in.

I throw all of them in the fire.

I slam the lid closed and start quickly walking towards my house.

“Hey Martha? Martha hi!”

My head snaps up. A woman is practically running towards me from the sidewalk across from me. I start walking slower but my heart starts to speed up. As the woman gets closer to me I realize it’s my neighbor Kathy. She has a daughter Alex, who used to hang out with Mae all the time.

Kathy was the first person to get to me, the day Mae was taken.

My heart slows down, as I realize who she is.

“Martha, how are you? I haven’t talked to you since Mae was u-um well.. I just wanted to tell you I’m so sorry for your-”

“She’s not dead,” I bark, louder then I expected. Lately I’ve been surprising myself with the force of my voice. I can’t help that everyone thinks my Mae’s dead. A look of sadness, and surprise gleams in Kathy’s eyes.

“Oh- Oh no, I didn’t mean to say it like that. I know she’s alive.”

My eyes flicker, and widen. She looks genuinely hopeful. I barely am able to speak my words.

“You think she’s alive too?”

“Of course, It’s only been three weeks, and there is still so much hope that she can be found.”

My tears well up, then my knees start to wobble. She sees them, and holds out her arm to steady me. Her eyebrows furrow together, the same way Mark’s do.

“Martha, we should take you inside, you look really weak.” I can’t even make out a thank you, as she guides me inside my house. After she makes me tea and helps me onto my couch, she comes and sits with me. She sighs, and looks at me. I’ve never noticed how blue her eyes are, and the way her brown hair, curls down her shoulders. Her voice snaps me back into reality.

” Martha, I am so, so sorry. I’ve been following along with the news, as well as reports on Mae, and it seems like everyone is starting to give up hope. Everyone except for you.”

My eyes tear up, and My hands start to shake again. It’s been weeks, since someone has talked about Mae and the possibility that she’s still alive.

“Thank you,” I whisper. I clear my throat. ” It’s just been so hard. The FBI says that they are trying as hard as they can, but I feel as if they are losing hope. Mark even is too, and that kills me. I mean his own daughter, and to think that-” I can’t help it when I start crying. There have been so many tears these past weeks, and pain, it seems like it will never end. Kathy gets up and gets tissues, then comes to sit beside me, pulling me into her.

” Oh Martha, it’s okay, let it out.”

” I just don’t understand. Everyone thinks she’s dead, but I can’t blame them. There is no evidence as to where she was taken, no pictures of the licence plates, nothing. Absolutely nothing.” I sob into her shoulder, her still rubbing my back.

“But Martha, we cannot give up hope. Don’t listen to everyone. Other people’s actions should not be the factor of  what makes you change your opinion.” I look up at her. She looks at me. Not just looking at me, but actually seeing me. I’ve talked to so many people, and they seem to just graze their eyes over me, they only care about giving their condolences. But Kathy is different.

She wants to help.

” I think we need to take this into our own hands.”

My eyes furrow into a question.

” What do you mean?”

She gets up, to get more tissues.

“The FBI has done nothing, Mark is giving up hope, Its time that we try to find your daughter.”

A feeling surges through my body, but I can’t place what it is.

” You mean, us, find her? How? How in the world are we going to do that? If the FBI and police can’t, how would we?”

Kathy sighs and comes back over.

” The difference is that they don’t know Mae,  but we do.”

I look up at her.

” You’re right. Just because they can’t find her doesn’t mean we can’t. I am going to find Mae. From the beginning, I haven’t faced the fact that she might be dead, and now I still don’t. I will find her, even if I die trying.” Kathy takes my hand.

“We, will find her.”

As we sit there, trying to put the bits and pieces together of where Mae could be, and who took her, I suddenly realize what the feeling inside of me was that I couldn’t place.

It was hope.